Hi. I’m Dr. Lindsay Cavanagh.
I’ve been married to my husband for over 10 years and together for 15 and we have two daughters ages 5 and 1.
I went through two rounds of (failed) IVF before we had our daughter.
When she was really young, I was trying so hard to feel grateful and happy but found that instead, I was really struggling. I was dealing with postpartum depression, my spouse and I were fighting all the time, and things felt SO HARD.
I decided I was unavailable to continue to feel unhappy in such a hard season and I knew I needed my spouse to help me.
Except instead of coming together, it seemed we were only moving further apart.
I remember a moment when my oldest was young and I asked my spouse for help. I told him I was drowning and needed extra support. His response at the time was, “But I cleaned out the garage last week!”
I absolutely lost it. I didn’t care if the garage was clean or not. I needed help and I found that all my desperation and rage was being channeled right toward my spouse. Even in the moment, I knew that how I was responding to him wasn’t great for my marriage (a hazard of being a marriage coach), but I couldn’t stop.
We have had many similar moments throughout our journey as parents. I always joke that becoming parents gave us so much more to fight about.
I have a Ph.D. in psychology and have worked with marriages as a psychologist and marriage coach for over 16 years. I have worked with hundreds of marriages. I know what it takes to thrive romantically and personally after having kids…
And yet…I wasn’t doing any of them after we had kids and our marriage began to struggle as a result. I was becoming the marriage statistic I had always feared.
Here’s the thing…
I knew everything I needed to do to turn my marriage around (which I know most people don’t), and it was still a struggle because of all the demands of parenting on myself and my marriage.
It seemed to require time and energy I didn’t have.
It needed patience and grace that I ran out of weeks before.
But I knew I wanted my marriage to work and needed the support from my spouse to feel better and I had to figure it out.
And so I made it my mission to figure it out and do the work. And we did.
Now, I have one of the strongest marriages I know. We are so loving and considerate with each other, that even I am surprised at times. We have learned how to support each other really well. We taught ourselves how to get through disagreements in a productive and loving way. We put the work in everyday to remain connected, even when we are exhausted.
As a marriage coach, I knew that having kids can lead to a decline in marital satisfaction. Despite everything I knew that helps to keep marriages strong, I experienced this decline in my own marriage. Which is why I have now dedicated my entire career to helping parents learn how to navigate this transition in their marriage.
Now I help my clients to do the same so that none of us end up in a statistic that includes the words “dissatisfaction”.
As a military spouse, I feel like if I can help strengthen my marriage after kids with being the forced default parent and alone for several months at a time, I can help literally any marriage.
I have figured out how to make a marriage work after kids in ways that don’t require a lot of time or effort that you don’t have.
I truly believe that having a strong marriage is THE KEY to being happy and healthy in your life (and research backs me up). Having a strong marriage is by far the biggest difference maker and is what I want for every single marriage.
Research backs this up. An 80 year longitudinal study showed that the NUMBER ONE predictor of happiness and health was YOUR MARRIAGE, above diet, exercise, genetics, and so many other factors you might suspect.
It’s not your fault if you haven’t been prioritizing your marriage. No one ever teaches you to do this or explains why you need to nor are you even encouraged to talk about your problems so you can learn HOW to fix them. Quite the conundrum isn’t it!?
As the default parent whose spouse is frequently gone for work, I have a lot on my plate. I’m constantly focusing on what everyone needs and how they need it and when. It often seems like every minute of my day is booked and then some.
Having a strong marriage isn’t just something that feels good. It isn’t a luxury that is “nice to have”. It is an absolute necessity for me to be able to do everything I’m doing and feel happy while doing it.
I 100% would not have this business if I didn’t have the support from my spouse. I have worked many jobs throughout my life and having my spouse cheer me on and listen to me vent has enabled me to recognize my dreams and figure out what I needed to do to realize them.
It makes parenting 1000 times easier for me. Even if I’m carrying the bulk of the load as the default parent, I feel his support and he knows how to help me keep my batteries charged enough to manage it all. I don’t feel like I’m alone in any part of parenting, even the loneliest parts.
My other relationships have improved as well. Learning how to have a healthy relationship is a valuable skill regardless of which relationship it is. I have never felt more supported in my entire life.
There isn’t one area of my life that has not been improved by strengthening my marriage. Plus when life throws its inevitable curveballs (like getting COVID when my daughter was 2 weeks old or when his mother passed away suddenly), you have a strong foundation to help each other through.
You aren’t just investing in your marriage. You are investing in your entire life.
Work With Me
My Values
FAST RESULTS THAT LAST
I know how difficult it can be to find the time and the childcare to attend traditional therapy sessions. People say, “You need to find time for your self-care”, but that is easier said than done. I also know how limiting traditional therapy can be because I was in that world for more than a decade. It can be difficult to get your spouse on board to want to get this kind of support. It also can be difficult to find a time when you and your spouse can go kid free is beyond impossible (and if I’m able to make it work, I would rather spend it doing something else if I’m honest). This can lead to more disagreements and just makes everything feel even more hopeless. My goal is to make strengthening your marriage as easy as possible, despite all the challenges that get in the way. I have found ways to make this work and am passionate about eliminating as many barriers as possible.
NAVIGATING AROUND THE BARRIERS
COMPLETE CONFIDENTIALITY
Everything you share with me stays private. You don’t have dirty laundry; you just have common marriage challenges that occur after having kids. I create a judgment-free space for us to quickly solve problems and generate strategies for a strong marriage and a happy family.
You are already doing so much. Fortunately, I don’t need all of your time. I work with clients in a way that works around your current lifestyle, schedule, and family. I use an app that allows you to contact me any time of day, without needing to schedule out blocks of time or find childcare. You have unlimited access to me to do what we need to do to improve your marriage. I’m masterful at quickly lasering in on what’s really going on with you and your spouse, and figuring out how we can bring you back together fast.
MAKING YOU THE PRIORITY
I know how disorienting it can be to have kids and feel like you have completely lost yourself, your spouse, and everything you knew to be true. Your needs go on the back burner and your marriage starts to feel more like a roommate situation than a true partnership. You and I do this work to get the support of the person you love the most, which helps deal with everything else in a much easier way. You get to be supported in your duties, needs, and dreams. You get to create rock solid connection in your marriage, fall more in love than ever, and enjoy the most meaningful years of your life even while caring for your kids. None of it has to wait. The best years of your marriage support the best years of your life. And it all starts now.
The mental load. The parenting decisions. The emotional outbursts (kids and yours). The decision making. The stress. The loneliness.
When your marriage is rock solid, everything about life and parenting gets easier.