It only takes a few minutes, but it could be the first step toward the marriage you thought you signed up for and that you’ve been missing since you had children.

You’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure this out by yourself. There are proven tools and interventions that can help you, no matter how stuck you feel right now.
It starts with clarity.

Think of this checklist as your first step to clarify what’s really going on in your marriage. To get you out of the loop of wondering if “it really is a problem” or if you’re “imagining it” and to know for good that there are ways to shift things.

Think of it like those postpartum depression screenings at the doctor—but for your marriage (and might I add- way more impactful and way less stressful than filling it out in a sterile room while holding your crying baby)

In just 15 yes-or-no questions, you’ll:

Find out if you’re truly in Marriage Shutdown.
Have clarity on where your marriage stands once and for all
Pinpoint some of the patterns and challenges keeping you stuck.
Learn exactly what steps you can take to rebuild connection with your partner—even when it feels impossible right now.

What You’ll Get with the Marriage Shutdown Checklist

It’s what happens when you start pulling away more and more because you can't have another fight or you don't feel like your feelings will be heard anyway. It’s not just a bad day or a rough patch; it’s the feeling of being stuck in survival mode with no clear way out.

It is easy to question if it’s as bad as you think. It can be so confusing to not want to leave but not want to stay (and can test your sanity daily).

That’s why I created the Marriage Shutdown Checklist.

What Is Marriage Shutdown?

I get it. I know how much you have on your plate. The last thing you have energy for is useless arguments with your spouse that never change anything.

You don’t want to feel this way, but here you are:

Wondering if this is just what marriage looks like after kids.
Feeling lonely, disconnected, and like your partner isn’t really your partner anymore.
Resenting how much you’re carrying and how little they seem to notice.

You miss the version of your relationship where you laughed, connected, and felt like a team.

But now, you're stuck in the same frustrating cycles - talking in circles, avoiding tough conversations, or just pretending things are fine because it's easier than fighting.

Take the Free Checklist to Find Out—and Learn What to Do Next.

Is Your Marriage in Marriage Shutdown?

Here’s the Truth:

Deep down, you're wondering:

Is this as good as it gets?
Can we get back what we had before kids?
Is it even possible to feel happy in my marriage again?

This could be Marriage Shutdown. It is most common after having children, and you're not alone in feeling it

I’m Dr. Lindsay Cavanagh, a psychologist, marriage expert, and mom. I’ve spent the past 17 years helping busy moms and couples move from disconnection to thriving relationships—and I’ve been in your shoes, too.

After having kids, my own marriage felt tested in ways I never expected. We went from strong and connected to feeling like we couldn’t be further apart and doubting whether our marriage could last. It was lonely and challenging and I remember that time as filled with so much hurt.

What I had on my side was the almost 20 years of experience working with other people’s marriages and seeing the transformations that have occurred with the right interventions. We worked hard, even when we felt like we didn’t have the energy or we weren’t getting the results we wanted, and it paid off. We have the strongest relationship of anyone I know despite having two young kids and extremely limited time to spend together.

I have been where you are at and I have worked with thousands of other couples who have also been where you are at, and I know there is hope for your marriage too.