Do you feel like once you had kids you became the holder of everything, but YOU are never cared for in the same way?
The Us System
Feel cared for in the way you need it most with the:
A check-in system designed with busy parents in mind to help couples stay emotionally connected, supported, and seen after kids (even and especially if they’re in a hard place right now).
Get the System
I know how easy it is to get stuck in the grind of parenting, chores, mental load, and everything else. You’re doing everything to keep the family afloat, but your relationship feels more like a logistical arrangement than a partnership.
You might have asked for help, but maybe you only were met with defensiveness or "I'm just not good enough for you" or things didn’t feel much better if you did get the help. Because the reality is that your spouse doing more dishes doesn’t actually help you to feel held and cared for in the ways you need (even if your brain is screaming “but if he’d just do the dishes!!!")
So now you feel further apart than ever and wondering how you will ever feel like a solid team again.
This predictable cycle of disconnection that hits so many couples after having children (that no one prepares you for by the way) is one of the primary causes of Marriage Shutdown™ and in my own personal experience, having an emotional system for how you support each other makes the biggest difference in getting to a better place.
After we had kids, my spouse and I were on two totally different pages. I kept asking for more and he would say he was doing more, but it didn’t seem enough. He would respond to me with defensiveness and avoidance and I would feel worse than before I had the conversation. What I needed wasn’t just help with the laundry, I needed to be able to have conversations about my needs without him running the other way. I also desperately needed to feel seen, appreciated, and valued as myself and my spouse didn’t have the skills or system to meet me in that. We weren’t set up to make that happen right away.
We were fully in Marriage Shutdown™ meaning I was anxiously seeking him out for love and support only to end up disappointed and full of resentment. He began pulling away from me and we were stuck in a dynamic that was hurting us both. What we needed was specific tools to be able to turn things around. We did this with the Us System. This is the EXACT system we used to get our own relationship back on track and is now what I use with all my clients. It creates your system for how you communicate, love, and do this crazy life together.
After building this system, we actually have productive conversations. I feel more loved and valued than I ever have before. We laugh together again, and not just at the kids. We have small shared jokes and knowing glances across the room and moments that we feel together. It used to feel like all our energy went to the kids, and now there’s energy for US again.
There’s small things like we fight better and I don’t dread bedtime as much anymore (it was the loneliest part of my day), but truly I feel partnered. I don’t feel like I’m doing this life alone anymore. He sees when I’m stretched then, and I don’t have to explode to get help. There’s a quiet kind of teamwork where I am cared for as well.
What is the Us System?
It’s a check-in ritual, backed by psychology and created with real life in mind. Think of it as emotional maintenance for your relationship - not just more to-do list talk To be blunt - it’s the system you need when you want to feel like a team, but nothing he does seems to be enough...
It helps you:
What You’ll Get…
- Learn how to really care for each other in the most important ways
- Stay connected when life gets loud
- Rebuild trust when the cracks start to show
- Come back from total Shutdown to finally communicate and be on the same page again
- Feel like a team again
- Reduce emotional misunderstandings
- Repair more quickly after conflict
- Keep love and intimacy alive after kids
- Come back from a big rupture or Shutdown period
You’ll receive:
- A guided card deck to spark conversations at times that work best for you (could be daily, weekly, etc.)
- A printable blueprint worksheet to map out your exact system
- Prompts that are simple and easy to answer, but go beneath the surface (and won’t make you roll your eyes)
Get the System
It only takes a few minutes a week and is designed to work into your already busy life without feeling like you are adding a lot more to a plate that’s already about to break. My hope is this brings you back to each other in the same way that it brought me back to my spouse and that it gives you the tools to never drift so far apart again..
iNVESTMENT
The investment for this system is a one-time fee of $99.
Frequently Asked Questions
This system is designed to be as succinct as possible to give you fast results. It is also designed to be able to be completed at your own pace at times that work best for you. I tried to design it to be about 30 minutes per week. There truly is no “perfect” way to do this system. Spending any time on it at all is going to move you closer together and be productive for your marriage. You don’t have to finish all the cards before you start to see results.
This system is designed to be as succinct as possible to give you fast results. It is also designed to be able to be completed at your own pace at times that work best for you. I tried to design it to be about 30 minutes per week. There truly is no “perfect” way to do this system. Spending any time on it at all is going to move you closer together and be productive for your marriage. You don’t have to finish all the cards before you start to see results.
The system is a one-time fee of $99. This includes the card prompts as well as the blueprint for the actual system you are creating.
There are no refunds; however, if you aren’t happy or still struggling, please reach out to me.
I get having a full schedule and how it can feel like adding one more thing is impossible. This was designed with that kind of busy schedule in mind. If there is one thing I know, there is no time that isn’t busy once you have kids. Everything is a little harder and takes a little longer when you are in Marriage Shutdown™ and not on the same page, so this was designed with that in mind as well. Being able to work caring for your marriage into your busy life is the ONLY way this system tends to work and the only way you will see results.
While many of the cards do encourage you have conversations, I find that the way the prompts are phrased eliminates defensiveness and leads to more productive conversations. My spouse is a logical, military man who avoids emotional situations at all costs, and these were conversations he would stick with. The prompts are designed specifically for these types of individuals and I have found that once people see how easy and non-intimidating it is, they are more apt to jump in because the results are so incredible. You can also use the prompts to start conversations with your spouse that don’t feel as formal as a card deck, but guide you to what conversations would really benefit the two of you.
Who am I?
I’m Dr. Lindsay Cavanagh, a psychologist, marriage expert, and mom. For almost 20 years, I’ve helped couples move from disconnection to deep, lasting partnership.
And I’ve lived it, too. After having kids, my marriage felt like a constant misfire—we were surviving, but not connecting. We had love, but it felt buried under tasks, tension, and total exhaustion.
What changed wasn’t a huge breakthrough. It was small, intentional systems for staying close. The kind I now use with clients every day.
If your relationship feels off track, this is your way back in. You don’t have to settle for just co-existing. You can feel like partners again.